#cancer journal

[mothprincess]

Audre Lorde, The Cancer Journals

[atavist]

An ob-gyn in Virginia performed unnecessary surgeries on patients for decades. He took their reproductive organs, gave them false cancer diagnoses, and did other terrible harm. When his victims learned the truth, they fought back. Issue no. 146, DAMAGES, is now available: 

[Debra] requested her medical records and was stunned to find discrepancies with what Perwaiz had said to her during appointments. Most glaringly, she didn’t see any mention of precancerous cells on her cervix; the tests Perwaiz performed on her had come back normal. “If I was normal,” Debra said, “why did I have a surgery?”

There were other inconsistencies. One form from an appointment described Debra complaining of back and pelvic pain, which she told me she never did. Another document dated the day before her surgery stated that she “insisted on having those ovaries removed through the abdominal wall incision and not vaginally,” and that the “consent obtained after entirely counseling the patient [was] for abdominal hysterectomy.” In fact, she had requested the opposite surgical approach, and she recalled no such conversation with Perwaiz; the only time she’d spoken with him in the lead-up to her procedure was in passing in the hospital hallway.

Debra was sure she had a malpractice case. She went to several lawyers, but none of them would take her on as a client. “So many men—man after man saying, ‘You had a decent amount of care, and that’s all you’re afforded,’ ” she said. Frustrated, she came up with a new plan: “I said, ‘Alright, I’m going to learn how to sue this bastard myself.’ ”

[triangle-tumor-manifesto]

My nickname is Silver Cipher.

I am 19 years old, and I’ve been diagnosed with Stage 4 Signet Ring Cell Adenocarcinoma of the Appendix. My dream is to have Alex Hirsch sign my cancer journal.

Gravity Falls has been a huge help since the release of The Book of Bill, and has been a huge comfort to me during my cancer fight. It has helped me emotionally more than I can express. The idea came from one of my friends, who drove to meet me before even knowing my name. They suggested I try to get a signature from Alex Hirsch. This is just a brief summary of my story that I would love to share with you all.

I meant for this to be an incredibly put-together message, but “Nothing in life makes sense, so you might as well make nonsense!”

Ford’s fight with Bill hits so goddamn hard. Chemo has just carpet-bombed my memory to the point where I completely black-out at times. During my 72-hour straight IV drip, I wake up to finding stuff I’ve done that I would NEVER do. I wrote things that I would never write. I drew things that I would never ever draw. The most notable drawings I have done are focused around the Eye of Providence and are surrounded—from top to bottom—by code I am still deciphering. This is terrifying to me and makes me feel like a spectator in my own body. Every single time it happens, it always takes me off guard no matter how prepared I think I am…

Chemo Me VS Regular Me Art (think you can figure out which is which??? -△)

However, the reason why I’m not quite as paralyzed with fear as I was is that whenever shit hits the fan, as embarrassing as it is to admit, to comfort myself I think about Stanford Pines. I think about how at the end of a long and hard battle with something indescribably wicked, he learned to trust people and got the support he needed. The path he treaded was full of pain, blood, and tears but he made it. The survival rate for my stage of cancer is catastrophically low on paper, but 6 is my lucky number. You can guess the reason, or I seriously question how you got into Gravity Falls in the first place!

I live and breathe this show, I live and breathe what Stanford Pines has gone through. I just need to make it past Weirdmageddon.

We appendix cancer patients have this crazy surgery which is known in the medical community as the “Mother of All Surgeries.” Most surgeons refuse to attempt it because of a lack of proven studies due to how few of us there are and how little research there is. The small sample size often causes it to be considered a crazy borderline pseudoscience! But it works. I know this because every Appendix Cancer survivor I met at our Pseudomyxoma peritonei (it’s shortened to PMP) Pals group introduces themself and then says that they owe their new lengthened life to as I like to put it, “Our Surgeon Soulmate”. This is my Weirdmaggedon.

HIPEC (the aforementioned surgery, Hyperthermic intraperitoneal chemotherapy) involves cutting open the sternum to the groin, scooping out every single organ that isn’t necessary for survival, filling the space with liquid chemo, and then sloshing you around a little on the table so it all sets in (like a little cancer smoothie). Then they’ll drain it all out, sew you up, and wake you up. (I drew Ford doing it while on chemo—you can see it in the Imgur link-I also have zero memories of this, and it's hilarious-you gotta laugh at the pain or you will cry) The only way to relieve the crippling pain besides exceeding a survivable dose of painkiller is to get up. You have to get up and walk—I mean laps around the ICU. I’ve done it. The laps at least. All the hundred-some people at the conference have. It hurts like crazy but the only way to get better is to fight through it. It's either fight or die.

Welp! There’s your summary of puppet hour with Silver, and my own personal metal plate.

I have the proof to back this up, as I have been living with this since my diagnosis in March. Knowing all of you, some of you may have taken “Trust No One!” to heart, which is legitimate for a post like this. This was just a brief summary of my story that I would love to share with you all. I've censored my personal information, and pictures I'm sending, as well as my face and my father's face. I'm also adding some of the art that I've done on chemo.

PROOF: https://imgur.com/a/ljb98NL

Attached is all the preliminary proof I’m willing to let anybody and everybody see. It’s a mix of identity-confirming photos, people I care about, art that I made while on chemo to help get me through it, proof of my hospital stays and pictures of me during hospital chemo, as well as a picture of myself on chemo simply so you can see how much it takes out of me from those early on photos of me from my tumor removal surgery to today. That was round six. Now I’m in the middle of round twelve: my last one. Before my final battle with Cipher, I’m hoping I can get my personal chemo Journal signed by Hirsch, at the very least. And if the guy wants to join the stream and hear my pretty decent Ford impression, well…who am I to complain? Alex if you're reading this, even if you can’t sign my book, I’d love for you to read the journal entry I wrote addressed to you. I sent my friend Alia to NYCC with a cut-out journal page for you to sign, with this letter to be read, but it didn’t end up working out. Even so, it would mean so much to me if it made it to you somehow.

Hopefully, this gets a shitload of views and reposts that find their way to Alex. As a bonus (some of you are going to adore this) I am going to link a Twitch fundraiser for Appendix Cancer in the post as well, and do a live stream of an ENTIRE reading of a Mystery Fanfic with me as Ford and an absolutely amazing Bill impersonator- @weasel!!! @_<;;! I bet you are so curious, knowing this server. “Come on Fordsy, don’t you want to take my hand? Just say the word!”

Art done by @🐔mother hen goblin🐔

We had this art piece made to promote the stream! Heed the warnings! Also, depending on the VA's endurance, I will also host an open mic for people to share their love of Gravity Falls and their reasoning for helping me.

The Twitch stream will begin on △ 10/26/2024 6:00PM EST.

△ If you cannot make this-never fear! It will all be recorded for your future viewing pleasure. This exact time is subject to change, please check back the day of to make sure that this stays the same.

Twitch Stream Link: triangle_tumor - Twitch

Donation Link: https://pmppals.net/silvers-triangle-tumor/…

I hope to see as many of you as possible present in the stream. This fanfiction means so much to so many of us. Both Bill and Ford's relationship in canon and especially in this fic encapsulates the visceral horror, suffering, and trauma that comes with going through chemo and beating the ⭐⚡#💀＄out of the triangle tumor. I am also getting OFFICIALLY endorsed by r/Gravity Falls as well as PMP Pals (An Official Appendix Cancer Organization) for this fundraiser.

I cannot tell you how absolutely hyped I am for everything going down.

Pleasepleaseplease join the stream if you can, and for SURE blow up this Reddit post! Thank you all so much for being a part of this and helping me through my fight.

Ad Astra Per Aspera

Silver Cipher △

P.S. FUCK Cancer

SOCIALS/OFFICIAL ACCOUNTS

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Triangletumor

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/triangletumormanifesto/?next=%2F

Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/triangle_tumor

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TriangleTumorManifesto

[nianeyemystic]

✨ Sister Sign Compatibility Observation ✨

I’ve learned that Sisters Signs are naturally attracted to one another. It’s like meeting your polar opposite with insane similarities .

Some say that sister signs can help people understand qualities they might be lacking and learn from people who possess them. They can also teach people how to get along with others and make life better.

Have you experienced relationships with your opposite sign? Let me know about it.

Aries -Libra

Gemini - Sagittarius

Scorpio - Taurus

Virgo - Pisces

Leo - Aquarius

Cancer - Capricorn

Comment below I’m really curious how your experience in love / platonic relationships are.

[virtualplushy]

i think everyone needs to carry this bit of audre lorde's writing with them. (this is from the cancer journals).

[thedarkmaidenn]

The Zodiac Seasons and their Elements. What to focus on, what tools to use and what spells to conduct.

♈️♉️♊️♋️♌️♍️♎️♏️♐️♑️♒️♓️

[chronicpaingirlie]

"I'm so tired of this. I want to be the person I used to be, the real me. I feel sometimes that it's all a dream, and surely I'm about to wake up now."

- from Audre Lorde’s The Cancer Journals

[coffeeeinbed]

⋆⭒˚.⋆ zodiac signs as coffee 

capricorn: espresso shot straight to the point and full of energy, capricorns match the vibe of an espresso shot to a T. they're an absolute no bullshit choice and you know exactly what you're getting with a capricorn.

aquarius: dirty chai  aquarius' aren't like the other girls, the same way a dirty chai isn't like the other coffees. chai is the star of the show here, and it's one of those drinks that feels irreplaceable.

pisces: vanilla affogato pisces of course had to be the sweetest coffee known to man, the affogato. unsure if an affogato is a desert or a drink, but like the pisces, we tend to overlook the confusion they cause and just enjoy the saccharine energy they offer.

aries: irish coffee  unsuspecting at first, but packs a punch. like an aries, irish coffee's can come off strong at first but it'll make you feel all warm and fuzzy after a while. spending time with an aries is always a good time.

taurus: caramel macchiato caramel macchiatos, despite not being as common, are well known and popular. like a taurus, they are known for being extremely strong with a hint of sweetness. unreliable and spacey at times, but always enjoyable when you encounter them.

gemini: cold brew with milk for a sign that seems to always be on the go and committing to a million different things, cold brew is a drink equally as adaptable as they are. quick, on the go, and easy to play with proportions, cold brew can be whatever you want it to be, just like the diverse personality of a gemini.

cancer: iced lavender latte  very gentle and an acquired taste, iced lavender lattes not only are a cancer season staple, but represent cancer's perfectly. floral flavors emulate the tender nature of this sign, and iced latte's are my summer coffee of choice.

leo: espresso martini espresso martinis are always the center of attention, just like leos. it's always a fun time when there's one of these around, but not only do you feel intoxicated in their presence, but the added espresso is an energy booster.

virgo: cappucino a comfort drink but still the logical choice. like virgo's, cappuccino's represent focus with the added bonus of a fun little garnish. virgo's always bring a little pizzazz with them despite their serious and passionate nature.

libra: pumpkin spice latte a classic, but with a fun twist. some people hate them, some people love them, no one ever feels neutral about a PSL, or a libra for that matter. despite their reputation, they are both a fun time and a cozy fall vibe.

scorpio: flat white  what the hell even is a flat white? exactly. scorpio's are absolutely the most mysterious sign, you have no idea what's in store. it seems like a pretty upfront coffee drink, but there's an unexpected sweetness to them.

sagittarius: peppermint mocha  a festive drink for the most festive sign! sagittarius' are the life of the party, and born in the lead up to christmas, it only felt right that they are the best holiday drink out there.

[yawpyawp]

a year ago today i had to say goodbye to my amazing boye Pi

i miss him so much every day

[mothprincess]

Audre Lorde, The Cancer Journals

[uninspiringdyke]

gonna see my therapist on wednesday and go heeey girl. my dad's on suicide watch and i got a new job (unofficially).

[halosoliloquy]

Dad said, “I love you forever and ever,” his voice trailing off. “I don’t want to be selfish, but…” And then he pauses. He gets choked up, whispers, “I love you,” and hangs up.

His condition is worsening. Every time we speak, there’s something new, a fresh blow I’m not prepared for. This time, it’s heart disease. Pulmonary heart disease. And then, he tells me his flesh is peeling off his legs. “Water is leaking out,” he says. His feet, swollen beyond recognition, can’t even fit into his socks anymore. He’s in so much pain, he doesn’t know if he can walk much longer.

I beg him, like I always do, to consider pausing chemotherapy. Maybe his body just needs time to flush out all the toxins. I know his lifestyle isn’t perfect, but I reassure him we can find him a better place, somewhere clean, where people can help him. He knows this. He tells me it’s his last resort.

And here I am—his only daughter. It’s crushing, really. To be the only child and to watch your parents suffer like this… it’s unbearable.

[eddiethehunted]

i. want to disappear for a while. i feel like something is wrong with me and nothing i do makes it better. no matter how hard i try. everything feels so hopeless. apparently i’m just a fucking cold unfeeling bitch who only cares about herself. apparently all i do is hurt people by just existing and being who i am. i know i joke about my autism a lot but i feel like a fucking horrible alien sometimes. i try really hard to be normal and palatable and acceptable and good but it’s like i’m existing outside of everyone else’s reality and no one will ever accept me as i am and i wish i could stop existing and nothing ever changes and no one ever understands and i will never be good enough for anyone because im wrong and bad and broken and traumatized and nothing i do will ever be good enough i will never be good enough nothing i do or say ever will matter it’ll never be enough. so why do i even try anymore. nothing even matters

[angelwurdz]

Astrological observations n4

The zodiacs in love

☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎

Songs i feel mirror how they fall in love ( Sun,moon, Venus, Mars)

Water placements

☽ Cancer :

🖤 Cancers are cautious about giving their heart away but just like a crab leaving their shell they can be vulnerable and affectionate . After all, Cancer is ruled by the moon. It’s a symbol of the mother, hence it’s is nurturing and caring. Cancers don’t fall for shallowness, they need emotional connection. They need to know and understand everything about you and they will because their intuition is so strong. Cancer is also a homebody, they would seek to get to know to your family and even introduce you to theirs. They will constantly tell their friends and family about you and bring you everywhere with them. They will stare at you a lot and their eyes will sparkle because you are now their home.

☽ Pisces ( or when your Venus/moon trine/sextuple/ conjunct Neptune) :

🖤 When Pisces placements fall in love they tend to have constant dreams about the other person this can be applied to other water placements but I feel it’s more common with them. Pisces are usually creative so expect them writing about you in their journals or making you cute handmade things. When in love , pisces get blindfolded to the red flags. That’s why they are more prone to get heartbroken more than any sign. Their love is the reason of their existence now. For Pisces passion isn’t just sex , pisces want to see souls merging and unite in an otherworldly mystical way.

☽ Scorpio ( or when your Venus conjunct/trine/sextile/Pluto) :

🖤 When scorpios fall in love it’s intense, chaotic and beautiful. Sometimes they feel so much it makes them hate how much love they have for the person. They are ready to offer their special person the world and they will, that’s why they will seek vengeance if they get betrayed. Being loved or in love with a Scorpio feels like being under a spell. It’s hypnotic. They can read your mind, see your darkest parts and understand you deeply. I also noticed many scorpios have the “ Us vs the world” mentality. It’s a ride or die journey and it’s not for the faint at heart.

[virtualplushy]

the cancer journals – audre lorde

[thedarkmaidenn]

I love a New Moon in Cancer ♋️